When our family was in a battle for our child’s life a few short years ago I recall having a similar conversation with a friend in which I mentioned the same thing.  Both of us were crying on the phone and I recall saying “they are His children” and I have to be okay with His will.  That does not make it easy but in that situation it puts things in perspective.

If you believe this to be true, then you have to wrap your head around the amazing responsibility we all have in raising HIS children. We are co-creators with God and also co-parenting if you will.  And our greatest responsibility is to return them back to Him safely in Heaven one day.

The next time you are faced with a parenting opportunity to teach, wether it be easy or difficult, remember to put things in perspective.  To shape and mold by instilling virtues and values, what could be more important?

Peace and blessings, Bo

I ask my children to be accountable to the 10-20-30GO! card and I hold myself accountable to the same set of disciplines.  Not only do they get a kick out of asking me questions about my card, they also get the message that the habits of prayer, reading, and chores are important if dad is doing them too.

Decide what is most important in your family and make sure you are modeling the behavior.

Bo Govea

Encourage your children to set aside all devices and distractions and find some quiet time each day.  This is a discipline and learned practice that will take time to develop, but I assure you it is much needed.  One day your child will thank you for teaching them this practice.

Sacred Scripture says, “But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret.  And your Father who see in secret will repay you.”   Matthew 6:6

Today it might sound something like this… But when you pray, go find a quiet spot that does not have a Wi-Fi connection, close the door and turn off your i-pod, and pray to your Father in secret.

Communication with our Heavenly Father is available to all and a Wi-Fi connection is not required

Peace,  Bo Govea

The same applies with parenting. There are NO “get-good-kids-quick” schemes!  Good kids don’t happen overnight.  You will not become an overnight parenting success because of one talk you had with your child.  Just because you applied one instance of discipline, don’t think they have it all figured out.  There is no magic pep talk or magic strategy.  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.  Successful parenting happens when you make small deposits in your children over a long period of time.  The good news is that it is never too late to start applying this philosophy.

Thrive in parenting, don’t just survive!  There is NO greater calling or investment you can make

Bo Govea

I planned an agenda and scheduled some time for spiritual exercises and reflections. All of this time I was thinking it was for my wife and kids. It turned out, as usual, God had a message to share with me.

Once we arrived and the kids were in their room, I took their phones away.  There was no tv and immediately they gave me a hard time.  Is this all we are going to do Dad?  Just sit in our room?

Stacy and I left the three of them alone in their room for 30+ minutes.  After getting past the snide remarks and comments, they went with it.  They asked if they could at least have some paper.  ”Funny you should ask,” I said, “because I bought you each a prayer journal.”

By the time we all got together for the first spiritual exercise they were laughing with each other.  Megan and Nicky had come up with a rap about Jesus that was really funny and borderline inappropriate.  Michael had decided to start a “dear diary” section where he poked fun at the boredom of this retreat.

My prayer before leaving on the retreat was that the family would have a “magical experience”. And that is exactly what happened. I set up an exercise with the kids and called it discover your unique gifts and abilities and used Romans 12:3-11 as a reference. The purpose of this exercise was to affirm each child that they each were unique.

The first part of the exercise was to prayerfully tell each person what they thought were their unique gifts and abilities. It’s really awesome to see your children affirm their siblings. They each really needed to hear this from one another.

We then asked them to take their list from each parent and sibling and find a common theme. Then prayerfully list their big dream and finally answer “is God speaking to you and if so, please write what you think he is sharing?” Then each child presented to the rest of the family what they learned about themselves.

I remember how truly awesome this entire exercise was and that the kids are digging deep.  I was sure they were getting something out of this.  By the tears of joy in their mom’s eyes I felt like we were on to something.

I went last and when I got to the section of is God speaking to you and if so please write what you think he is sharing I got choked up.  God really was speaking to me and gave me a pretty specific message that I needed to hear.  Funny how it worked out that I got so much out of this retreat when I thought it was all for my family. God really shared with me…

Parenting is not a sometime thing it’s an all the time thing.  You don’t teach your children to do things right once in a while, you teach them to do things right all of the time.

Check out the “Fathers For Good” website at http://www.fathersforgood.org Great tools and content!!

A Plan for Families on the “Go”
Husband and wife develop system for ‘families functioning faithfully’

Bo Govea has a story filled with hardship and the joy only faith can bring. He and his wife, Stacy, also have a system of home and family organization that they are brave enough to test at home – with their six children – and market to others as the “10-20-30-Go!” program.

Basically, it is an incentive-based system that encourages kids to spend 10 minutes in prayer, 20 minutes in reading, and 30 minutes in chores. Sound impossible? Read on.

Two years ago, Stacy delivered twin girls at 25 weeks, who spent much of their first year in neonatal units. They both were named Mary – Mary Ellen and Mary Elizabeth. Doctors told Bo and Stacy that Mary Elizabeth was passing away, and they responded with true faith. First, they told everyone to pray – then they prepared their hearts to accept God’s will, for they knew this baptized soul was destined for heaven. But by some miracle, the tiny girl survived. She and her sister are now 28 months old! In the midst of caring for the twins, Stacy became pregnant with her sixth child, Ryan.

Bo, 38 years old, has been married to Stacy for 17 years and they live in Overland Park, Kansas. Their children are: Megan, 16; Michael, 13; Nicholas, 11; Ellen and Elizabeth (The Marys), 2, and Ryan, 1.

Fathers for Good: You have quite a story with the birth of your twin girls – the two Marys – at 25 weeks. How old are they now and how are they doing?

Govea: The girls are 2 years old (28 months). Ellen is off of her gastric feeding tube and is 100 percent oral feeding. She is walking and doing great! Elizabeth is still on her gastric-tube feeding machine for 100 percent of her feeds. She is starting to walk with the help of her leg braces. The doctors are saying she may have a mild form of cerebral palsy, but I want to emphasize mild. We were told Elizabeth was not going to make it. We actually were waiting for her to pass. Considering where she started, she is doing fantastic!

FFG: How is your wife doing? She was able to deliver another child not too long after the twins – a brave woman!

Govea: My wife is just fine. There were some minor complications with Ryan, who was born after the twins. He was born a month early and had to spend a few days in the NICU, but it was a walk in the park after the girls. He is the easiest of all six kids. I think it gets easier after five!

FFG: Where did the idea for “10-20-30-GO!” come from? Trying to organize a home with six children?

Govea: A couple weeks after the Marys were born, I moved back to Overland Park, Kansas, and Stacy moved into the Ronald McDonald House in Salt Lake City. She stayed there while the girls spent the next four months in the NICU. The month they returned home, Elizabeth was transported to Children’s Mercy Hospital here in Kansas City, for another month in the NICU. Ellen was at home on an NG (nasal) feeding tube and oxygen. I resigned from my job and we found out we were pregnant with number six.

Needless to say our life was a little chaotic. I knew we needed some structure and help from the big kids. I also knew whatever program or routine we went with, we needed to have an emphasis on prayer and relationship with God. The idea of “10-20-30-GO!” came to me one morning after my personal quiet time with God.

FFG: The goal would seem impossible for some families. What’s the secret?

Govea: To say we have it all figured out or are completely organized would be a lie. We struggle just like most busy families do. “10-20-30-GO!” is a great tool for helping our family stay focused on what is important. It gives us an avenue to communicate our individual relationships with God and share our prayer life. The chores and reading are really just a bonus.

As a father, my goal is to get my kids to heaven. I have realized that I cannot do that for them.  But what I can do is introduce and facilitate a relationship with their perfect Father in heaven. I am the imperfect father. “10-20-30-GO!” is a reminder to me of what I should be doing, and it has become a family routine.

To learn more about the Govea family’s story and their families functioning faithfully system, visit www.102030Go.com.

• What do you want them to do
• How do you want them to do it
• How are they doing
• What is in it for them

Just like adults, children want to know the rules.  Without rules, we are just hoping they get it.

Children will gauge their efforts to change their behavior based on their expectations of what is in it for them.  That is why it is so important to provide those reinforcers.  They want recognition and rewards.  That is why some of you will role out the 10-20-30GO! program in your house and actually have (some) kids that are excited to get started.  The rules are now clearly defined and they now know how to win. AND understand they can get recognition for doing so.

The best consequences are the POSITIVE, IMMEDIATE, and CERTAIN (PIC’s).  Using the 10-20-30GO! system gives you many opportunities to PIC your child.  Each day the child is supposed to bring you their card to get a signature for praying, reading and chores.  You are not having to initiate the situation and when your child brings you the card, you now have an opportunity to encourage/congratulate them for what they have accomplished that day.  These are low level PIC’s but none the less, it is Positive when you tell them “nice job”.  Immediate when they bring it to you right after they have exemplified the desired behavior.  And last, it is Certain because they know exactly why you are congratulating them.  High level PIC’s are when you sit down with the child at the end of the week and give them their reward.  Make sure it is a good enough PIC that they will want to repeat

Families that are finding many ways to PIC their children, create a positive environment  in the family.  In turn, the children are more likely to continue the desired behavior.  Get creative on different ways you can reward and reinforce the positive behavior in your children.  Allowance is always a good reinforcer but does not have to be the only reward.

We would love to hear what you are doing in your house!

We will be talking about Negative, Immediate, and Certain next week.

Here are some things to remember when getting started…..

1. Take the 15 minutes to read the booklet- You will find motivation for getting started.  If you have ANY questions, please call or email or text.   Bo-913-220-9097/bo@102030GO.com  Stacy 913-461-1656/stacy@102030GO.com

2. Don’t fret about the chore chart-  We have given you the stickers so you can have ideas to get started.  If there are not enough stickers for s certain chore, go ahead and write them in with a marker.  If you really want it to look uniformed and need the stickers, call or email and we will send you some more.

3. The back of the prayer board peels off-  We made this an adhesive that will not harm your refrigerator or whatever you decide to stick it to.  We wanted it to stick on the refrigerator without having to use magnets.  It needs to be front and center where everyone in the family can see it.

4. Delivery is everything- Make sure you present this to your children in a positive way.  Introducing it to your children and helping them understand the why is so important.

5.  Rome was not built in a day- and changing behavior in your children does not happen over night.  Stick to your guns and continue to ask your children “can I see your card” and “is your card current”.

6. The card is the bad guy- This is where you use some “love and logic” techniques.  ”I wish you could go, but your card is not complete”.

7. Positive Immediate and Certain- When changing behaviors, you need to find positive reinforcers.  We use allowance but you can use other rewards.  Whatever you use, make sure they receive it at the end of the week (immediate) and the card scoring system is used (certain).  They will repeat the behavior if they receive positive, immediate and certain feedback.  No different than how we adults operate

8. Negative Immediate and Certain- I like to keep things positive, but let’s face it, in life we sometimes have to deal with negative consequences.  Make sure the negative consequences are immediate and certain.  Sometimes you have to take a firm stance if you are serious about changing behaviors.  Stay tuned for more on this topic.

9. Children want structure-  They will soon understand the rules and what they need to do to be successful with this program.

10.  Communication- Think of the card as a way to communicate with your children.  Once they understand the value of the card (positive or negative) they will consistently bring you the card and you will have opportunities to talk with them about what is on their mind.  When you hear about what they are praying for, you will hear what is on their hearts.  Ask them what they are reading and they will eventually give you more than you want to know.  When they don’t get chores done, it is an opportunity to discuss work ethic.

Please give us feedback on how you are using the system.  We have already heard some great ideas.